Accidental Confession

A short story

“I want to travel the world …”

The words slipped off my lips before I could process them. The bold statement nearly shattered my own brain. What did I just confess? Startled by this, I glanced over my shoulder to check if anybody had taken notice.

None did. Thank God.

And yet, what was I afraid of anyway? I was safe within the confines of the library. People came and went, all focused on their individual tasks. Nobody was going to stop and pay attention to me. I was invisible, between the shelves and stacks of books. Where dreams and visions were delicately orchestrated into words, then pressed within the hundreds of papers that formulated a book.

In my hands, rested a geography book, an atlas of France. I had turned to a specific page that used colors to depict the roads and streets. The landmarks were hand sketched, illustrating its beauty.

Oh, how lovely.

It was all extraordinary, so fascinating. Just imagining the fact that there was an entire world out there, was breathtaking. It was even more majestic knowing that God created every delicate and unique continent.

Closing the book, I carefully returned it to its place on the shelf. Sighing heavily, I fingered the surrounding geography books. A tingling sensation suddenly flowed through my body and into the core of my stomach.

“Oh, no. No butterflies, Jacqueline,” I scolded myself.

I wasn’t going to allow myself to get excited over something that would never happen. Besides, I wasn’t the adventurous one. No. I was the: overprotective, follow the rules, don't do anything crazy–kind of girl. My adventures remained with the books I read and the silly stories I wrote.

Yes, Jackie would always remain within the four corners of her home.

In haste, I hurried away from the geography section of the library. It felt silly to yearn for something like traveling, especially since I had never flown in a plane before. Also, there was that major problem of being eighteen years old and a senior in high school. It sounded very impractical to consider traveling the world at this time.

Who would go with me? How would I pay for it?

I needed to focus on more adulting things like picking a career, buying a vehicle, and figuring out when I was going to college. Yes. That was important and practical.

I stopped at my table, where I left my schoolwork and library books. It was time I left. Mostly because I feared all of the books around me would inspire more ambitious thoughts. I collected my things and began the one-mile trek home in the hot sun. Yep, I definitely needed a vehicle with a blasting A/C, not a plane ticket. As I walked home, the blistering heat scorched my flesh. Within minutes, I felt completely cooked and sweaty.

Great, just great.

But my mind started to wonder what it was like in other states. Were the leaves changing color up north? After all, it was mid-September. Was the weather nice and chilly? What about the western states? Was it still hot and brutal? I bet the mountainous terrain was nice and refreshing. What would it be like to travel horseback on the western trails? Or hiking for a few days in the smoky mountains? What about visiting the Pacific Ocean or a state like Alaska? What about–

I stopped short and blinked.

What was going on with my thoughts?

As if searching for a reasonable answer, I noticed the books I held from the library. They were all mostly fictional, with one biography. The novels contained explorational and adventurous plots. They included characters that were daring enough to step out of the box, not at all like me. Even the biography was about someone's experience traveling the United States!

Unconsciously, I dropped the books in the middle of the sidewalk. And began to think crazy thoughts. Are the books contagious? I never considered the common theme I seemed to stick within my reading time. But why? Couldn't I just let go of the whole “traveling” thing?

Frustrated, I picked up my books and marched on. It didn’t matter how badly I wanted to be in a cooler environment. Or how thrilling it would be just to fly in a plane. I had a life that could be adventurous in different ways.

Somehow. In some way ….

My flip-flops smacked the hot cement sidewalk, its rhythm matching the feeling of my pumping heart. It flipped and flopped. Leaped and dropped. I could feel my heart melt away in the blistering heat. It burned. It hurt. Why? Over something stupid like traveling.

What would everyone even say if I tried? I’ve never, in my entire life, came out as the traveling, adventurous type. I always just thought that it wasn’t meant for me. It wasn't part of my story. And yet, it nagged at my heart nearly every day. But why?

Maybe being a senior in high school had something to do with it. Ever since I started the school year, I have been thinking about all the things I wanted to do with my life. There were so many deep desires I simply couldn’t shake off.

It was as if they were a part of me.

I was exhausted and too sweaty by the time I finally reached home. Feeling too puzzled with my thoughts and emotions, I hurried up to my room before encountering any family members. Safe behind closed doors, I placed my things on my bed and paced the room. Apparently, my accidental confession stirred up many things within my soul. I wanted to bury everything away and focus on living a normal life.

But … Did I really want normal? Working a 9-to-5 job for the rest of my life didn’t sound appealing. Living in the same place my whole life would make me feel restless. Never exploring the world outside my comfort zone sounded horrifying. And depressing.

Sitting at my small desk, I inhaled slowly and tried to sort my thoughts. You only live once, I observed. Wouldn’t God want me to explore this beautiful world He created? To step out and stand out? To live a life filled with faith-taking actions?

Naturally, I began to finger the loose items on my desk. Some were papers with my half-written stories–that were all ironically about people exploring exotic places. I spun the decorative globe that rested on the edge of my desk. I touched the British-inspired fountain pen that I collected from a vintage store, and used only for special writings.

I recognized how the style of my room was mostly European with some odd touches that reminded me of Africa or Asia. I glanced at the several posters on my walls–all consisting of various places across the world. I even realized my wardrobe had several different themes from different countries. Even my name, Jacqueline, was French.

I touched the globe once again and stared at it intently. That all had to mean something, right? I always believed that God created destiny, just like He created the world. Was traveling and exploration somehow involved in my destiny?

That same tingling sensation swept through me as I pondered on these things. But this time, I allowed it to flow within me. A revelation of truth came, and it felt like a breath of fresh air. All this time, adventure had been a part of me. There were small pieces of me, small details, that made a great big puzzle. And I wasn’t going to be afraid to solve the puzzle anymore.

This was my life, my future. And the world was waiting for Jacqueline.

Which meant, I had to be honest with myself and stop lying. I had to confess the truth. As the butterflies fluttered inside my stomach, a sudden sense of bravery overcame me. I felt ready to fly. Feeling empowered, I picked up my fountain pen and a piece of paper and wrote:

This is my confession…

I want to travel the world, I want to explore the beauties of life, no matter how impractical. I want my life to hold meaning and expound beyond the norm. I want my future to be filled with thrilling adventures that bring hope. I want to live in my Destiny.

I won’t be afraid or ashamed. Only bold and Brave.

Jacqueline

---

Foundation Scripture:

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.”

Jeremiah 29:11-13 NKJV

Then Jesus said to His disciples, ‘If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.’”

Matthew 16:24-25 NKJV

Personal Thoughts:

This is actually a bit older of a short story. I wrote it the final semester of my senior year in high school. (Roughly March or April of 2023). Little did I know, that almost a year later I would hop on a plane and fly to London (July 2024)! 😂 Which, if you haven’t already, you can read all about in an older post HERE.

There’s something amazing about setting yourself free from the expectations, beliefs, or mindsets that you—personally—or others have set. Back when I was in high school, I was a very non-adventurous person and couldn’t imagine myself traveling. Like, at all. As I penned this story together, it became a way for me to release myself from the insecurities, fears, and belief system that I bond myself to. And it opened the door of opportunity for me to embrace the future God had (and continues to have) for me. This “accidental confession” set my destiny in motion.

Now, all I want to do is GO! Anywhere, everywhere. Wherever God sends me, I will go. As this new year has lifted off, so have my aspirations, determinations, and possible future destinations! God placed each and every one of us here on this Earth to go. We, as the body of Christ, have been hand picked to step out of our comfort zones and into our God-given destinies.

As you continue on in the new year, I encourage you to have your own “accidental confessions” with God. Allow Him to break you free from the mental, emotional, or spiritual bondages that have prevented you from taking a leap of faith. It doesn’t matter how inconvenient or impractical it “seems.”

I highly doubt the 12 disciples of Jesus thought that it made sense to leave their jobs and families and to follow Him! They had to trust God with each step and follow the calling, above everything else.

And that, my dear brothers and sisters, is something we must do as well. When we seek God, He will show us our steps and lead us through those “it doesn’t make sense” moments.

I pray this all encourages you all today that wherever God is sending you, GO! Thank you for reading and God Bless!